What we did about it

If you have been reading me for years, first of all, thank you, and secondly, you probably know that I have not come into my feminism easily.

Of course there is a problem. And we are survivors. So let’s talk about it in terms of what we’ve done about it.

I have worked through the whole emotional spectrum of not wanting to be defined as a woman who talks about women’s issues. Burdened by intersectionality (I am a woman and an immigrant, and you can’t separate the sources and impacts of contextual experiences).

Plus, there have been times when not poking the beast… or intentionally flying under the radar… or whatever felt like the more sensible option than being a firebrand.

And there is the occasional temptation to think I am still standing despite the whatever.

And yet nothing ever felt like more than half the story.

Then I wisened up and was like, hold on a second, this isn’t right.

The rest you already know.

I am not a diversity person, as someone told me recently. I do my thing and shout about what is right. I like that. What it lacks in finesse as a definition it packs in precision. Because ‘what is right’ isn’t just about you and the people who look like you. That is the whole point. The journey is for everyone, or we all fail. Yes, the white, straight, middle-aged, middle-class men too. You are also very welcome. Seriously. The whole point is to represent society, not go from one extreme to the other.

It is ridiculous to even say that. And yet say it we must: because I occasionally have women saying to me, “Things are not quite fair yet, but they are so much better than before, so we are good, do we need to push things further?”

And I also get the little violin woe-is-me if only I had been born when men were men and women knew their place performance every now and again from people. Obviously the language is more nuanced than that. But the intent is the same.

And I genuinely don’t know what is more difficult for me to stomach. When men give me that nonsense “Oh, I am a white man, there is no room for me in the world” or when women tell me “It’s not so bad.” And I mean…

It all depends what you are comparing things to, right?

There are all sorts of weird reactions when we talk about diversity… in one extreme you get scenarios like this: I post a piece about sexism. I get a DM or ten in a matter of seconds. From dudes. You didn’t actually need me to clarify here, did you? And the DM will say something along the lines of ‘my wife doesn’t agree with you because’ insert fact that may be true, but probably isn’t and has nothing to do with what my piece was about. You know the type: some of my best friends are black is back in town.

What I find interesting about this little routine is that it is rarely a public challenge. Especially if it is someone you know IRL. They know that there is no generally acceptable language for the debate they want to have. Or, actually, more likely: they don’t want a debate. They just want to tell you it’s not their doing. They can’t help themselves. It’s not all men. It’s the other men.

So: I respond. I can’t help myself either.

What are you trying to do here? You are not engaging with my piece: your statement is random and out of context, so before we go any further: are you trying to explain institutional sexism to me? Or defend it? Oh yes. I do love asking that. I know, I know… cheap thrills. But still.

The answer is always something along the lines of: Oh, no, you misunderstood me. I just tried to understand your position better. I guess as a white, middle-aged man my opinion doesn’t matter. I’ll go back to my tea. How are you anyway?

Given that, as a white, middle-aged man, your opinion matters to me as much as anyone else’s and to the world doubly so, this isn’t even passive aggression done right. What it is, is an opportunity missed. Because if you were actually trying to understand, it would be a gift to us all. But, generally speaking, when trying to understand, people lead with questions. Not statements. Maybe try that next time?

And spare us the passive aggressive victimhood as it won’t cut it here. With me at least. And I am not all women, and I am sure your mum doesn’t mind. But I sure as hell do.

But this isn’t all. Because at the other end of this continuum is where the women shy away from calling what we are dealing with a problem.

I was at a women’s event a few years back. And I was speaking about the lived experience of being ‘different’ inside a big bank. (Or many, let’s face it. In my experience, I think BNY is the only place I have ever worked where I saw women at all levels of the organisation, and they didn’t all look like each other either. So it can be done, and I will just leave this here in case we need it later. Spoiler alert: we will need it very soon.)

So anyway. I am at this event and giving my talk… and I was getting nothing back. Absolute stoney silence. Faces that said, ‘what on earth are you even talking about?’

Does any of this resonate, I asked?

No was the answer. We do not have this problem here.

And part of me was like, ‘that’s amazing’, and ‘I totally misread the room’. But mostly, ‘that’s amazing’ because isn’t that the point? To get to a place where we no longer need to talk about this because it is no longer a problem. But I thought… since we are here… we might as well see it through to the end and find some common ground.

So I flicked to an image of the Women’s Strike in Iceland. In 1975, sisters. And the faces changed.

Ah.

Yes.

This resonates. Now we are with you. Now we are fired up, said the faces in the room.

Of course there is a problem.

But we are not victims. We are survivors.

So let’s talk about it in terms of what we’ve done about it. Of the battles we have won. Of the battles we no longer need to fight because we had them and we won them.

Let’s talk of the fact that every generation can stand on the things the generation before did not accept. The things we came together over and said, “This won’t do.” The spaces that were opened to people who don’t look and talk and think like everyone else who was previously in the room. And now it’s a different room.

A little more each day.

And although it’s not going fast enough and it has not gone far enough, it is going where it needs to go, and we will not stop.

Not until our offices and our communities are equally representative of each other. In all the glory of humans doing and being in whatever way they do their best work and live their most true life.

Not checkboxes for diversity, but a genuine ability to be and do without needing to present one way or another or trying to pass as whatever the benchmark is. Suppressing accents, habits, mannerisms, ways of living, loving or dressing.

Let’s talk about the problem in terms of what we did about it.

And what we will do next. Most of all, what we will do next for the people who look like us and above all else: for those who don’t.

#LedaWrites

Leda Glyptis is FinTech Futures’ resident thought provocateur – she leads, writes on, lives and breathes transformation and digital disruption.

She is a recovering banker, lapsed academic and long-term resident of the banking ecosystem. 

Leda is also a published author – her first book, Bankers Like Us: Dispatches from an Industry in Transition, is available to order here.

All opinions are her own. You can’t have them – but you are welcome to debate and comment!

Follow Leda on X @LedaGlyptis and LinkedIn.