Can you seek out the line that we cannot see?
It’s not International Women’s Day. And that’s precisely the point.
When it comes to success, there is no one-size-fits-all
There are no shades of pink for brands to overlay their logos with. There are no outstanding women leader lists for publications to profile. There are no how-to guides to show you how to hustle and have it all. There are no high-fives and inspirational speeches that end with “you’ve got this”. There are no exceptional women in tech panels to recognise women for their outstanding achievements.
In the absence of accolades, and just like magic, women fade into the background yet again. Doing what we always do. 365 days a year to be precise. Staying in the background. And in silence. Alone with the challenge of being held to impossible and often conflicting standards all year round.
Borrowing a line that I came across recently: “What is the difference between being assertive versus being aggressive? Your gender.”
You must be bold but not bossy, we are told. You must be assertive but not critical, we are reminded. You must act like a man but behave like a woman. You must always lean in but not neglect your mommy ‘duties’. You must bring your authentic self but keep your emotions in check. You must be visible and be out there, but not be too visible. You are either too young and inexperienced, or too old and stubborn.
Just never good enough.
But who defines success? And what goal(s) are we being measured against? While some might think it’s money and status, others might think about success differently. And even that is nuanced, especially since we likely have different definitions with respect to what it means to be ‘wealthy’.
What is enough?
By the same token, what does it mean to be a successful leader? Does it always have to follow the alpha male model of win at all costs? How can we encourage people to be comfortable in their own skin and lead the way they want when we put up impossible and invisible barriers for them to cross?
“When it comes to success, there is no one-size-fits-all.”
Can you seek out the line that we cannot see?
And here is the thing. We don’t have to wait until International Women’s Day, Black History Month, or Pride Month to celebrate our success — however we want to define it. We can be visible and be heard, not just one day or one month, but every day. We can walk the walk — literally — as our dear friend Leda Glyptis has shown us in the case of the Sibos Walk.
And more importantly, everyone can join the walk and be the change.
It is beyond time that we use the collective power of our platforms to shine a light on issues that no one in our industry dares talk about openly — even if that might make people squirm a little. From parenting and aging to confronting bias and the climate crisis, there are many real and present challenges that are very much part of our work and personal lives. Talking about it may not always solve the root cause of the problem, but it helps to normalise the conversation. And maybe, just maybe, we can convince enough people to pay attention and be part of the movement.
If you have the power of the pen and the mic but you choose to look the other way, then what hope do the rest of the people have?
How do we keep making all the same mistakes, you ask? It is the price of inaction, of staying inside our own bubble, surrounding ourselves with ideas and beliefs that mirror ours and ours only, oblivious to the burning fires in a world that is changing around us.
The emperor has no clothes.
And silence is not golden.
About the author
Theodora (Theo) Lau is the founder of Unconventional Ventures. She is the co-author of Beyond Good and co-host of One Vision, a podcast on fintech and innovation.
She is also a regular contributor for top industry events and publications, including Harvard Business Review and Nikkei Asian Review.
