War fries
This is a story about allyship. And Dutch snacks.
It’s Pride, folks, and both allyship and snacks matter
Because it’s Pride, folks, and both allyship and snacks matter.
Snacks for the fun times. Allyship for the battles every other time.
But first, snacks.
It turns out the Dutch put peanut butter on their fries. And mayo.
Yes, I agree. This sounds neither like something that should be happening at all nor like something that I want happening to me, but I am assured, by people who know things, that it exists and tastes better than it sounds. I remain unconvinced, but I love the name, for this unlikely and unexpected snack is called… war fries.
Now that’s a side order I can get behind…
And I recently had occasion to reflect on war fries, a mere day after finding out that they exist in the first place.
Because I walked into a restaurant with three friends the very next day.
The waiter asked if we wanted a bottle of water. I asked, with a smile (this is important) before committing to an order, whether we could order à la carte or it was just a set menu.
He ignored me and asked the men for their drinks order.
I said, “Excuse me,” and repeated the question. Still smiling.
He gave me a patronising little smile of his own and said, “Oh hello… and how are you today? Would you like a drink?”
At this point I am no longer smiling but here we go again with the question. “I don’t want a drink if I am not eating here so let’s try one more time… can I order à la carte or is it just the set menu?”
To which he responded… listen lady…
But this lady is done listening.
So, I told my friends to enjoy their dinner and got up to leave.
And so did they. As one. Without a moment’s hesitation.
As I found out later, one of them was outraged on my behalf. The second thought it was bad but we’ve seen worse. The third hadn’t noticed.
It didn’t matter how they felt, though. They saw I was upset and angered and all three got up and walked out as one, irrespective of how they had experienced the incident. Because they hadn’t experienced the incident. I had. They had witnessed it. And they know enough to know the difference between the two.
So, out we walked.
They checked I was OK. And we got on with our evening. No debate. No ‘calm down dear’. No attempt to apologise to the establishment on my behalf (as I have had done to me on many an occasion). The rest of our evening was neither spoiled nor defined by this incident.
We had a fantastic dinner. One that will go down in history for reasons that have nothing to do with the ‘listen lady’ incident: our very own side order of war.
And just like war fries, that interlude was a thing that shouldn’t be happening. That you don’t want happening to you. And yet here it is… unexpected. Not what you have chosen. But here.
And that is what allyship is.
War fries.
An entirely unexpected side order that you may not enjoy, definitely didn’t want and probably wouldn’t have ordered for yourself at this moment in time. But here it is. And what we all do next is what defines us. Not the lapel pin. Not the corporate pledge. Not the seasonal avatar. But what we do in the moment when our otherwise wonderful meeting or evening or stroll or whatever… is interrupted by an act of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia or other act that alienates one amongst us.
The time is always inconvenient. The incident is always unwelcome. The experience is always unpleasant for at least one person involved.
That’s why it’s called allyship.
Because it’s war. But at least we have snacks.
Happy Pride, my tribe.
#LedaWrites
Leda Glyptis is FinTech Futures’ resident thought provocateur – she leads, writes on, lives and breathes transformation and digital disruption.
She is a recovering banker, lapsed academic and long-term resident of the banking ecosystem. She is chief client officer at 10x Future Technologies.
Leda is also a published author – her first book, Bankers Like Us: Dispatches from an Industry in Transition, is available to order here.
All opinions are her own. You can’t have them – but you are welcome to debate and comment!
Follow Leda on Twitter @LedaGlyptis and LinkedIn.
