“Game changer” Jargon Bank launches in UK
Oh no… a hipster
Jargon Bank has launched in the UK offering “compelling and innovative” products that have left journalists diving for cover… usually to the nearest pubs.
In a press release, that ideally shouldn’t have been sent, the hipster-friendly bank decided that wishy-washy and generic statements would somehow garner the respect of fintech publications across the world.
Serial English language abuser Tarquin Ponsonby, head of marketing at Jargon Bank, says: “We are a game changer in an industry crying out for change. Jargon Bank is focused on innovation that makes a difference for our clients, and our platform offers the ability to deliver new capabilities, support emerging technologies such as blockchain, and positions us well to lead in the rapidly evolving fintech market across the world. We are the Uber, iTunes, Pokemon, Happy Shopper – you name it – of the banking world. It’s a paradigm shift.”
The bank wouldn’t go into any specifics in terms of its products (they’re “cool”), underlying technology (why is it a secret?), investors (“leading players in the fintech and financial services space”), number of staff (“we’re expanding”), clients or market focus (“we’re ambitious”).
In fact, Jargon Bank wouldn’t go into anything specific at all and seemed irritated that journalists should have the temerity to ask questions. Perhaps we should just copy and paste two paragraphs from a press release and claim that as a news story?
When Banking Technology contacted the bank (repeatedly) for details on its core banking system, it took a while to get a response.
The bank says: “Our CEO has been developing the concept for Jargon Bank since last year. The company has already hired some top talent from the fintech sector, and is continuing to hire the best people in the market as we expand and become the number one bank everywhere.”
Yeah… but what about the core banking system? You do speak English?
Jargon Bank is based in Shoreditch in London… where else? … in an office that has colourful beanbags, a bike on the wall and smells of overpriced coffee.
The bank says its office has a special innovation area (a room to you and me) for its staff to discover the “serendipity of collisions’” and “rip up the rule book” for banking.
